Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Something Wicked This Way Comes



-Julian Baggini

I want to make VERY CLEAR that even though this blog refers to the country singer Leann Rimes numerous times, what you’re about to read has absolutely nothing to do with my personal opinion of her. This is NOT about whether she's guilty or innocent of inciting certain behaviors, nor does it have anything to do with her personal life, conduct, talent, or twitter habits. I’m well aware that people will try to make it about that, but that subject has already been addressed,  relentlessly, by others. I'm not interested.

Instead, I wanted to talk about the behavior I’ve witnessed on twitter that seems to surround Ms. Rimes.  There is an all out, kill-or-be-killed war that’s been brewing for years between Ms. Rimes’ fans and those who...well, aren’t. 

Writing this, I tried to be as objective as humanly possible. Some of my twitter followers adore her. Many of my followers hate her. I honestly don’t give a shit either way. I’m cool with anyone interacting with me as long as they’re respectful of my beliefs. If they are, I’m respectful of theirs.

Frankly, I don’t comprehend the depth of these feelings either way about any celebrity, but recently it's erupted into something much bigger than her.  When it comes to Ms. Rimes...people seem to have forgotten that NOT EVERYONE MUST LIKE THE SAME THING. And, conversely...NOT EVERYONE MUST HATE THE SAME THING.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

The Lost Souls of Social Media


For most of my life, I looked down on Celebrities who felt the need to splurt the intimate details of their personal lives everywhere. I've always thought it was tacky. As an actor, I believe it's essential to keep a modicum of mystery so you're believable as different characters. Not to mention, it can make you appear desperate for attention.

If you read Guts, or any other part of this blog, you're probably thinking I'm an open book. But let me assure you, this is far from the case. Certainly, I'm now quite happily honest about certain aspects of my life. But I still believe other parts of my life are sacred and therefore, I keep them as private as possible.  For instance: I rarely share specifics of my love life, friendships, family nor have I ever let a magazine photograph my home.

I was raised to keep everything personal private. I was taught to hide, lie, or say "no comment." From a young age I undersood that whatever you present to people is what matters, not how you really feel. (Is it any wonder I became a pill-popping lush?) Therefore, when Social Media first came along, I completely ignored it. I knew next to nothing about it, except I was savvy enough to know that there is no crueler being on earth than a nameless, faceless entinty hidden behind a computer screen. It all sounded so hideous to me...why on earth would anyone open themselves up to the slings and arrows of the bitter and ball-less?

Saturday, August 30, 2014

My Brilliant Idea (Update: All sketches sold out in 20 mins!)

But please, enjoy this blog ...


The idea hit me a few days ago, out of the blue. 
"Good God, I'm a genius!"

I immediately called my friend, the designer Christian Siriano, who instantly agreed.

(With the idea, that is. Let's just assume he already knows I'm a genius.)
I hope you guys will agree, once you hear my evil plan.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

I Hate Women


 Oh, alright, that’s not quite true, but you have to admit “I hate most women,” doesn’t have quite the same zing. Of course, I’m excluding the women I’m friends with and the women I’ve yet to meet whom I would be friends with. But let’s be honest: most women are assholes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it goes without saying that men are assholes, too. But we’ve known that since forever. Ask a man if he’s an asshole and he’ll instantaneously say “yep” then scratch his balls, fart and pass out again. But ask a woman?  Her mouth will fall open and her eyes will well up with tears. Eventually, she’ll stammer “I...I...Of course not! How dare you!” The tears begin to fall “I am a wonderful mother, a terrific wife, a fantastic boss, and a loyal friend. I’m devastated you even asked!” 

Monday, August 4, 2014

One More Tale

I'm so over discussing my past medical woes. Believe me, I can't wait to move on.
But before I do, I knew there was one last part of my tale left to be told, a last chapter, if you will....
The overwhelming reception I've received from people suffering from auto-immune diseases,  have inspired me to share with you a few emails I wrote to a small group of my closest friends & family throughout last fall/winter. 
They are verbatim, with certain names and identifying characteristics removed to protect other people's privacy.
 I'm hoping this can shed even more light on the baffling and chronic disease of Lupus.
While many suffer for years, or remain undiagnosed or improperly treated, I know damn well I'm beyond fortunate to be in remission (for now.)
However, I didn't feel very lucky at the time, as you'll soon see. 

I began feeling terrible in August of last year...

Friday, July 11, 2014

Looking into the Belly of the Beast

Belly of the Beast (definition) - To be in a dangerous place.

This has been an incredibly challenging blog post for me to write. I've gone back and forth for weeks, so torn. I considered not writing it at all, or waiting until much later, but I know I can't truly move on until it's out there. I've only told close friends and family, because I still wasn't certain if I wanted to share it publicly at all.

I decided to do so, because even though it's quite harrowing and painful, very personal and deeply humbling, I honestly believe it may give hope to those who need it...People who don't think they can get through terrible events and stay sober. But mostly, I wrote this for people in recovery from opiates who find themselves in a situation where they must take them.  I want them to know that it's possible - that if care is taken, relapse isn't inevitable.


Friday, May 9, 2014

The Ghost of Arzy

I don’t know about you guys, but I'm desensitized to almost every awful news story.   
For example, when Matt Lauer says "A man in Florida (Or Texas, it's usually one of those 2 states for some reason) was arrested yesterday, charged with the murder of  45 little schoolgirls,” or I hear that  “A bomb went off in such and such High School”
or a friend tells me that a  “Mudslide killed thousands in Italy, " I may feel a small ping of  sympathy or fascination. Sometimes I may even get upset for a few minutes, until my roommate’s dog Rio decides to shit on my bed or I’m running late for a dinner date, and poof. Like magic, I never think of those poor wee schoolgirls or those muddy Italians again.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Jenny, I Got Your Number

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit”
                  -Shakespeare, 12th Night


Perhaps the most gratifying part of becoming an old hag is finally understanding that there’s a yin and yang to almost everything in life.

Yes, even with social media.
The beauty of it is that it gives a voice to so many deserving people.
The ugliness of it is that it also gives the same to so many undeserving.

I’m not proud of the fact that for a great portion of my life, I had a profound mistrust of people. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I even disliked most of them. This is partially due to the “ick” factor that happens when one becomes suddenly famous: There you are, the same idiotic buffoon you always were, and overnight you’ve become the prom queen. 
It’s just kind of gross. So there’s that.
But admittedly, most of my aversion to people I attribute to my chronic, life-threatening addiction, and the horrific depression and self-hatred that accompanied it.

Which is why, pretty much from the age of 25 until I got sober at age 39, I trusted only a tiny group of people I’d known for many years. The rest of the world I would smile politely at, certain they wanted my friendship simply because I happened to be smashed on the head with the famous stick.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

The Dreamcatcher

I decided to dust off a few other old writings. This one was written on March 10th of this year, my 7 year sobriety date.


Seven years ago today I walked into rehab a shivering, mortified, miserable, drunk & high mess. I went to The Meadows, in Wickenburg, Arizona...a town out of the old west, with cowboys, Indians and old storefronts. It looked like a set from 'High Noon.' 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

STELLA


                 STELLA




The Endless Farts and Tiny Mind of a Darling Disaster

by Kristen Johnston

Within the first 8 months of my sobriety, I lost both of my beloved dogs, Stella & Lulu.  Lulu had been my constant companion for 16 years, Stella for 12.  Lulu was drop-dead gorgeous, flirty, and without question, the smartest animal I’ve ever known. She had glossy, fluffy, black fur, always smelled good (even after a hike), and her two front paws looked like they were dipped in dalmation.  She was remarkable. 
Stella was...well, Stella was none of those things.  She was like the homely sister of a model or a movie star.  She was stout, snorty, stinky and her lower jaw jutted out (all the better to see her hilariously awful teeth).  She was blessed with the remarkable skill of ripping indescribably awful farts seconds before you sat next to her. Her timing was uncanny. 
Oh, and it’s worth mentioning that she had the mental capacity of a stick of wood.
Poor Stella.  
Think Helen Klum,  Jessica Aniston, Candy Theron or Ashley Jolie.  However, instead of being jealous, Stella was oblivious to all the attention Lulu would ineveitably draw from the throngs of admirers on New York City sidewalks. Instead would waddle along; a happy, stupid, kind creature.  They utterly adored each other.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Morgan Asked

My memoir GUTS was released in March of 2012. Before it’s release, my Literary agent convinced me to join twitter & facebook. Eww, blech. Why would I want to read mean crap people thought about me? Besides, what if the book was poorly received? 
She ignored me (as usual) and insisted.

I’m so glad she did.
Because while I most certainly have had my fair share of insults (curiously, often misspelled) and trolls, I’ve also met some truly incredible people who’ve really impacted my life.  Morgan, then only 14 years old, is one of them. 

We met on twitter, and from the start, she asked questions that would take me hours, sometimes days to answer.
I wanted to answer truthfully, but I also knew how important words are to teens, and I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
These are just a few of our exchanges....


Saturday, April 12, 2014

One Last Big Break



When did it happen? That subtle shift? When did addiction evolve from something unspeakable to fun entertainment for the whole family?

Today, when a celebrity begins to emanate that now-familiar whiff of an impending crash-and-burn (hospitalized due to "exhaustion"? A drunken talk show appearance, perhaps?) we all make popcorn and pull up our chairs.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Embracing My Inner Bitch


A few months ago, I wrote a guest-blog for someone else's blog. My first entry (and believe me, the one I wish I'd gone with) is below. I tinkered with it and I hope you like it.


Something's been bothering me for a while now, but I haven't mentioned it since it's one of those tricky subjects that could easily make me seem bitter and bitchy.
But then I thought to myself "Well, you are bitter and bitchy about this, why not just own it?"
Yeah, why not?


Saturday, April 5, 2014

Slaying a Different Dragon

Way back in yesteryear, pre-blog, whenever I had something longer than a sentence to share, I had to settle for posting it on  FaceBook as well as (my twitter folks will attest) a reckless overindulgence of twitlonger.

A few days ago someone asked me to re-post a twitlonger I once wrote about toxic people. However, since so much has happened since then, I was excited to have the chance to expatiate on this topic even further.
(Actually, the thought of expatiating further on any topic gets my rocks off, I dunno why. Frankly, just typing the word expatiate is a goddamn good time.)

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Becoming Perfect




I lived most of my life as a liar.
From birth, I was taught that other people's realities took precedent over my own, and I that must do whatever I could to be exactly whom others wished me to be.

I was told that this would make them happy, which would then, in turn, make me happy.
I could never understand why I consistently failed at both, in such monumental ways.
It wasn't for lack of effort.

Never once did it occur to me that perhaps who I am is perfect.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!


The instant one becomes a "celebrity" they are given a bounty of extraordinary gifts, dazzling rewards and incredible riches. In return, there's just one little rule they must abide by:  They must never, ever complain again.

Monday, March 24, 2014

The Reality of Oprah


The lovely Sharon Smolarz O'Hara asked me this question on Face Book:
"Wondering if you think Oprah's intentions for Lindsay was to help her? Or help others to see what Lindsay went through post rehab? Or help herself?"



Honestly? Don't get me started on Oprah. I haven't seen the Lindsay show, but since OWN offered her a reality show before she even left her umpteenth rehab, and because OWN is desperate for ratings, I can't help but question their intentions. 
All under the guise of “helping an addict get her life together.”
Yeah, right.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

The Hole


So, I figured since I get fired up about stuff & blather endlessly about it, why not have a blog?

Thank you so much, Sir Fagsy Malone (above) for helping me design this.


We'll see how it goes, I'm not exactly renowned for meeting deadlines. Or responsibility. Or arriving anywhere on time. Or knowing anything about computers.


At any rate, I really wanted this to be as interactive as possible, so it's not just me babbling to myself (although I enjoy that too). I really hope you're inspired to comment or ask questions about anything you wish.


I'll eventually be adding all sorts of cool crap, like videos & pics & guest posts, etc.


Believe it or not, I actually appreciate opinions that differ from mine, as long as they're expressed in a constructive, respectful manner. Like: "I disagree. I believe the more secrecy the better for addicts. I've found keeping silent has helped keep me sober."


As opposed to: "I hope you relapse, bitch." (An actual comment sent to me by one of my lovely comrades in recovery)


To start this blog off with a bang, I wanted to dust off something I wrote last year, I hope you like it.....